yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
