Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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