woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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