i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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