I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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