I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
