I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize