Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
