Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
