he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
