We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
