I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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