I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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