wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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