just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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