omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
