I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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