I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
