hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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