he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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