Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize