I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
