I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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