you're like a bully in the Christmas story
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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