I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
