WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
