drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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