I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
