Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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