Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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