normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize