i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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