I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
