My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
