dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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