I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
