That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
