I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
