I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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