We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
