I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
