Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Damn victory sex feels great
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
