I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
