I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
