they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
