I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
