she looked like the before picture.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
