Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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