I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
