Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
