I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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