remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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