Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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