Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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