I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
