I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
