I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
