What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
