Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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