If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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