i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Verdict: uncircumcised.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
