she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
