I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
