I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
being pregnant is like rehab
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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