Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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