i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
