i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
