Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
