It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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