I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
