Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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