Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
