I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
