Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
