Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
