Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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